Friday, December 28, 2007

A slightly White Christmas

Christmas has come and gone. It was slightly white which was tres exciting. A few flakes of snow fell on Christmas day, but it was mostly a heavy frost providing the whiteness.



We decided to go native for Christmas this year, and celebrate on the night of the 24th with a roast dinner and present opening. Champagne, of course, was a staple.

Christmas day started at 4am with a phone call from my family (Hi Dad). I'm pretty sure they knew that it was 4am here, but didn't really care. They had to get that phone call in before they sat down to lunch! We did manage to get back to sleep just in time for Richard's family to call at 6:45am. I have a feeling that we need to institute a "we'll call you" policy for major events such as Christmas and Birthdays.

It snowed on Boxing Day, which was great. The cats found it very interesting. The humans felt the need to get out in the snow and have a look around the neighbourhood.



Monday, December 03, 2007

Haus Frau Disaster #3

Puff Pastry. Two words that should strike fear into the heart of any sane person. Definitely not to be attempted by the faint of heart. Avoided by the wise.

I am neither faint of heart, nor wise.

It all began with a hankering for an old fashioned meat pie, but without the traditional ingredients of a meat pie (gristle, snouts and bottoms, hooves, the occasional rat and soforth). Our masterful plan came undone on Sunday when we realised that we forgot to buy puff pastry at the Supermarket on Saturday, and there was bugger all chance of finding anything open, so I decided I'd have a crack at the holy grail of pastry from scratch. Never. Again.

Even without the stomach churning, artery clogging thought of ALL THAT BUTTER, puff pastry is not a fun way to spend a Sunday.

The folding. The rolling. The throwing of the rolling pin through the window because the butter continually oozes out the sides or the top or the bottom of the pastry, just as it is NOT supposed to. The chilling. The waiting.

The folding. The rolling. The threats to stab ones husband with a fork for offering helpful suggestions. The chilling. The waiting.

The folding. The rolling. The tears of frustration. The continued threats to stab ones husband with a fork for the gentle hugs and encouraging words. The chilling. The waiting.

Then finally, the torment is over. The pie is in the oven. The delicious meat and gravy sits betwixt its oh-so-simple shortcrust pie base, and oh-so-teeth-clenchingly-annoying puff pastry top. Adorned with pastry leaves and expertly applied egg wash, it cooks. It even puffs a little. It appears that all may, in fact, be right in the land of Pie-donia.

But no. I'm pretty sure that puff pastry should not have the texture of an old boot with mud encrusted laces.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Glee! Schnee!


It's snowing! Kinda. It is definitely non-wet rain, and I think it just may, in fact, be snow! Joy! It won't stick around for long, so no snowball fights are in the offing just yet, but I remain in a state of cat-like readiness - which, if my cats are anything to go by, means I'm about to curl up with my nose very close to my bum and go to sleep.

Counting today, the number of snow experiences I've had can be counted on one hand. The novelty factor is still extremely high. I'm sure it will diminish with time, but for now it is 'Big Kev' exciting.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

9 months, 5 days


That is how long it took me to send out our wedding thank you notes. The irony of the timescale is not lost on me either.

Now that they are all in the post, I can sit back and bask in the non-guilt.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Hallowhat?

Last night was Halloween. This festival that has always been a big mystery to me, firstly because I'm Australian, and quite frankly, we don't usually go in for all of that palava, and secondly, I've always found the idea of Halloween to be somewhat disturbing - people, pumpkins are for roasting and making soup - Don't whittle them!

That fact that Halloween was last night had completely escaped my attention for a number of reasons:

  1. I've been somewhat housebound due to a minor cash flow crisis
  2. My grasp of German is tenuous at best, and therefore I find it challenging to comprehend my environment
  3. I don't watch the telly or read newspapers (see reason 2)
Last night I was down in the bustling metropolis that is Bretzenheim doing some last minute shopping for dinner and I raised a quizzical eyebrow at the number of small children running around with buckets, baskets and various other receptacles. Then I saw a child dressed as a hybrid vampire/pirate, and it dawned on me - "well bugger me", I thought, "it must be Halloween", and then promptly forgot all about it and did my shopping.

So, I did actually have a 2.5 microsecond window to solve the following equation:

A + B = C

Where:
A = Presence in a shop
B = Instance of Halloween
C = Purchase of lollies
Unfortunately, I didn't.

The instant the door bell rang I knew I was in big trouble.

I proffered by best apologies, in German of course, and tried to explain that I was from Australia, and therefore not wise in the ways of Halloween. The children were reluctant to go away empty handed, so I dashed into the kitchen and grabbed the the contents of the fruit bowl and distributed the fruit amongst the very disappointed looking children. So, what was in the fruit bowl? 3 oranges, 1 tomato and a very manky looking lemon.

Children of Mainz, I'm sorry.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net



Friday, October 26, 2007

Marriage - the third quarterly report

Shareholders,

It is with pleasure that I report another impressive quarterly performance of H&R Inc despite some long running administrative issues.

Highlights:
  • Non-failure of the month long Deutschsprache Kurs
  • A fabulous visit from Belinda & Sally which included a whirlwind tour of various German cities and a fabulous bike tour of the Rhine
  • The arrival of H&R Incs newest nephew (hello Angus)
  • Another fabulous visitor (now if we can only get them NOT to leave)
  • A week long "festival of birth" to celebrate R's birthday which included the consumption of the "Howard Park" (props to Roger)
Outlook for the fourth quarter:
With the onset of the cooler weather and impending arrival of the Christmas season, H is hoping to see some snow and is planning a snowball fight at the earliest opportunity.

Shareprice:
The shareprice remains depressed, but steady. The much anticipated bailout package from the ATO has been forthcoming and the shareprice is set to rise in the coming quarter.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

The Maiming of the Shrew

Update on an earlier post about the cats and their wicked hunting ways.

I have finally identified the small, mouse-like creatures that the cats have been dragging in. They are Shrews.

As it gets colder, the shrews must be out in greater numbers foraging for food, or that cats have found the mother lode, because for the last couple of weeks, it has been a near daily occurrence - shrews, both disturbingly dead and disturbingly alive, brought into the house. The other day, I was not quick enough to save one, and by the time I had donned rescue gear, Copernicus had killed it, and consumed the front half. Yes, oh so charming. But it gets worse. Obviously shrews aren't high on his list of preferred delicacies, and a few minutes later, as I was cleaning up the discarded back half of the recently deceased shrew and cursing Copernicus' dastardly cat-like ways, I hear the dreaded retching sound of a cat about to vomit - and up it comes - basically whole, the head of the shrew mixed in with some partially masticated dry cat food, ON THE RUG. Most of our house is floorboards and tiles, but he felt it only right and proper that he disgorge himself on the rug.

Damn his eyes.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

ANZAC Biscuits


ANZAC Biscuits
Originally uploaded by heliospheric
Comfort cooking can be dangerous - fun - but dangerous. These biscuits were only in the house for 1 day. Then I insisted that Richard take them to work with him to distribute to work colleagues.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Reading Material


Moving to a country where you don't speak, read or understand the language is a bit like being a child again. In some ways it is liberating, and in others it is frustrating.

In an attempt to build on and reinforce the German we absorbed in the past month, we trotted off to the book shop to get some reading material that was at 'our level'.

I'm pleased to announce that 'our level' is roughly that of a 7 year old, although 10 pages into my book, I'm beginning to wish I'd picked something much simpler....like 'Miffy at the Seaside'.

So it is 'Ich bin hier bloß die Katze' for me. I'm pretty sure this is going to take me longer to read than 'A Fringe of Leaves' by Patrick White, which currently holds the record as my slowest read yet, at just over 6 months.

Language acquisition is slow, and I am in awe of those people who have a head for languages. I wish I was one of them. But for now, I'm firmly in language Kindergarten.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Haus Frau Disaster #2


Note to self: Turn on the light while sorting the washing

So, it was early, and I wanted to get a load of washing on before German lessons, and I rummaged through the laundry basket to put a load together ready to take down to the cellar where the washing machine lives, and unwittingly included my favourite black cardigan (or Unsworth*, as I like to call them).

I threw the clothes into the machine and mindlessly selected a 60 degree wash.

The result - a shrinky dink Unsworth.

Please note, I am a proper scientist and have included a mobile phone in the photo for scale. That cardigan would be lucky to fit a 2 year old.

I loved that Unsworth - it was lovingly made by the good people of China from extra fine Australian Merino wool.

* Unsworth - named in honour of Barrie Unsworth the former NSW Premier who had a penchant for wearing cardigans.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Help! I'm drowning in verbs!

Yes, it has begun. The inevitable, the slow, and the excruciatingly painful journey that is learning to speak German.

The 'Intensive German Course' started last week. Originally, we were in a class of 8, but after the test to see how much German we all knew, we were a class of 3. The others were obviously way more advanced than us, so were promoted to the smart class. This is a great thing - but exhausting. Some days I think my head may explode.

Richard has been complaining that his brain is full, and has been forced to delete some information in order to make room for all the new stuff. Fortunately, he has started with the folder in his brain labelled 'Song lyrics from the 80s'.

Here's hoping that by the end of the course, we will be intense Germans.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Bike trip



More photos of the bike trip can be found on flickr

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Berlin

I love Berlin. We were only there for the weekend, but love at first sight does happen. The weather wasn't great, and we got wet, and we had tired legs, but it was just so good. I'm going back - soon.

The city drips with history, and it is impossible to do it justice in a mere 2 days. We stayed in the Central part of Berlin, so we could walk everywhere we wanted to go.

More photos of the Berlin trip can be found on flickr

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Who let the Clarks loose in the Kirschgarten?

Day 1 of Bella's German Odyssey, and we went into town for a bit of a poke around - stopping to take the requisite tourist photos (exhibit A).

Also ticked off the list were the Cathedral, the Market place, the Altstadt, and of course, the famous Ferrets of Mainz.

After threatening to go for a run this afternoon, it is most pleasing that the rain has come tumbling down, forcing us to abandon any plans of exercise in favour of drinking beer.

Introducing - the amazing ferret man

It must have been a special treat for Belinda's first day in Germany - a man taking his three ferrets for a walk in the city. Oh, how we laughed.




Bella has just arrived, has had the obligatory post flight nap and welcome to Germany beer. We are off to Berlin tomorrow.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

It's Sunday - and that means BELLS


So, it's Sunday, and in Germany that means "SHHH!" No mowing of the lawn, and depending on the "House Rules" of which there are at least 4 pages, no using the washing machine, no vacuuming, or anything else that may cause disruption to the general serenity of your immediate environs.

Except for the bells.

Some Australian towns are famous for having a pub on nearly every corner, Germany has its own take on this phenomenon - there seems to be a church on every corner, and each house of worship has a carillon - that is rung hourly (sometimes as often as every 15 minutes) - this tends to shatter the general serenity index of Sunday.

And also, the shops are shut.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Playing silly buggers with Photo Booth


image.jpg
Originally uploaded by heliospheric
Introducing "comic book character me", courtesy of Photo Booth . Looking at this reminds me that I desperately need to tidy up my dead grubs (eyebrows).

Marriage - the second quarterly report

Shareholders,

It is pleasing to report that H&R Inc enjoyed another quarter of strong growth, to end of financial year (30 June 2007).

Highlights:
  • Successful relocation of H&R Inc HQ to Bretzenheim, with no losses incurred to possessions during transit
  • Resumption of bicycle transportation for both H and R
  • Telephonic and cyber communications systems established (it may not sound like much of a highlight, but it wasn't as straight forward as one may expect in a first world country)
  • Successful foray into the German health system
Outlook for the third quarter:
The third quarter will be busy, as R continues to be plagued by administrative red tape and trips away, and H looks forward to receiving the first visitors to H&R Inc in August.

Shareprice:
The shareprice dipped during the quarter due to maintenance issues with H&R Inc's Melbourne property portfolio, but is expected to recover during the third quarter.

With love,
the CEO

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

An open letter to the people of Darmstadt

Dear Darmstadtians
You have a rockin fossil collection. This fact alone should be enough to put a smile on your faces, but apparently not. You all look so sad. Please consider smiling.

with kind regards,
Helen

Coin Slot

Dear Ladies of Germany
Your pants are very tight, and invariably low cut. As a consequence, I can see your bum cracks. It disturbs me greatly. Please stop.

Dear Men of Germany
If you are over the age of 45, you are wearing your pants way too high. You are the quintessential "high-pant wearer". This amuses me no end. Don't stop.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Letters from Home

Each week, like clockwork, a letter from my Dad arrives in the post. It is like Christmas when I see that blue, red and white striped top of the air mail envelope. His letters are filled with the weather (of course), what's going on in Newcastle and the Bay, and what he's been up to that week.

I keep in touch with the rest of the family via email and skype, but there is something comforting about my growing collection of letters from home.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Back in the Pool

After a 4 month hiatus, resulting from sheer and utter laziness, you will all be pleased to know, I'm back in the pool. It hurt. Alot.

I shouldn't have been surprised when I discovered my swimming cap disintegrated due to lack of use - I'm SO pleased I dragged that little piece of latex to the other side of the world.

Managed to get through my statutory 1 km without drowning, but it took a good deal longer than usual. Did I mention that it hurt? Alot.

Hoping to be able to walk and move my arms tomorrow, but I'm not overly confident.

Also - had my first 'in town' bike adventure today (definitely not to be confused with a 'town bike' adventure) and managed to not get run over. I did, however, suffer the indignity of having to get off my bike and walk it up the last bit of the hill out of town (oh the shame, the shame). I've got to work on my hill climbing or I'll never win the Tour de France.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Ikea - it's like lego for grown-ups

I spent a day (and I mean the WHOLE day) at ikea last week, shopping for the various pieces of furniture we needed. I love the crazy swedish names of all the products, the way you must follow the proscribed route through the store, otherwise you will be forever lost, and doomed to live in the store for eternity. I love the little pencils and paper tape measures so thoughtfully provided so you can take notes and measure stuff to your hearts content as you wander idly through the store. I'm not so much in love with the screaming children who dash out at you when you least expect it, so that your kneee connects with their wee heads with a sickening thud mid stride.

The boxes were delivered on Monday and Richard has spent two grueling evenings on his hands and knees assembling my purchases. My contribution to the construction process was fetching beer at regular intervals and passing him the screwdriver with the precision of a surgical nurse, "Screwdriver, STAT!"

In honour of ikea, we will name our first child Malm.

That's a big chicken you've got there mister

One of my favourite stalls at the markets is the Egg Master (Ei Meister) - I am so going to buy all my eggs from him from now on. I suspect that he has a bit of fishing line attached to the rooster's leg and when he makes a sale he gives it a tug so that the rooster crows - pure marketing genius.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Faunal deaths

When I worked in the Northern Territory at a mine, each week there would be a report on activities at the mine, x tonnes of ore dug, y number of safety incidents and there would be a report of Faunal Deaths on the mining lease, and a brief, but grizzly discription of the manner of the demise of the poor animal - 1 kangaroo stuck in the mud after wandering into the shallows of the tailing dam.

I feel it is my duty to keep a record of the native German wildlife that cats have been dragging in recently. So here goes - 5 small rodents (not mice exactly, but close cousins I suspect) met an untimely end at the end of a cats paw. 4 have so far been recovered.

It is not as if they catch them to eat them, it is purely for entertainment purposes. So it seems that my cats have taken upon themselves to decimate the local population of these small bewhiskered creatures. Bad cats. I suppose it could be worse, in Melbourne their favourite game was to catch a bird (usually a pigeon), and bring it into the house, and then release it, so they could catch again, and again, and again, until it didn't move anymore. The result was usually feathers from the front door to the back door, and a dead bird hidden somewhere in the house - they weren't always easy to find either.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Hanging on the telephone

It may have taken a good long while (around 2 and a bit weeks), but I finally have the marvelous technology that is the telephone connected at the house. The next hurdle will be to connect to the internet (this will take another week or so, apparently). Given that all the instructions are in German, it may take a good deal longer than that. It is just as well that Richard works at a Uni, and students still work for beer. We should be able to convince someone to help us get it sorted - I will even throw in a hot meal if the situation becomes desperate enough.

Since moving to Germany, I have finally begun to learn the art of patience. It has been a difficult lesson to learn, but I am getting there (she says rocking back and forth mumbling "I'm in my happy place, I'm in my happy place....")

Sunday, June 10, 2007

There's no place like home

We moved into our new place last Friday, and are mostly set up, with the exception of a few rogue boxes that seem to being refusing to march themselves down to the cellar and neatly stack themselves away.

We have taken stock of what we have, what we don't have, what we need to buy, and what we want to buy (note the maturity and fiscal responsibility of that last part).

I made a prioritised list (I come from a family of list-makers) before we moved of the stuff I knew we needed and made short work of the purchase of the washing machine.

Now it is time for the fun stuff - a bed, some book shelves, dining chairs. You know what that means, don't you - yes, IKEA. IKEA is not easy to get to without a car (don't worry, a car is on the list too), so we may even do the whole thing on line. Keep your fingers crossed.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Copernicus' Lament

Copernicus misses being able to go outside whenever he wants. This video was taken on the front verandah of our old house in Melbourne. He used to love to lie there and bask in the sun.

Poppy is a high stepping kitten

Unlike Copernicus, Poppy loves going for walks. Note the happy tail position. Normally she breaks in to a trot and we can actually cover a fair bit of ground. Last week she tried to climb a tree. She's a quick little bugger.

Apart from the joy of taking Pop for a walk, I love how she asks to be taken outside. She gets into a fever pitch of purring and swishing her tail at the harnesses and then sitting underneath them as if to say, "Come on, take me for a walk NOW!"


Saturday, May 26, 2007

Marriage - the first quarterly report


wedding_self_portrait
Originally uploaded by heliospheric
Shareholders,

It is with great pleasure that I am able to bring to your attention the strong performance of H&R Inc in their first quarter together as a company.

Highlights:
  • A fabulous wedding, attended by family and friends
  • Frenzied, but utimately successful preparation for international relocation
  • Arrival and negotiation of red tape in Germany
  • Survival of the cats, despite one half (non-executive director) of the company threatening to downsize the corporation

Outlook for the second quarter:
Things are looking extremely positive for the second quarter, as the company moves into its new Bretzenheim headquarters.

Shareprice:
The shareprice remains steady and gains are expected during the second quarter.

With love,
the CEO

PS: The are more photos of the wedding

Thursday, May 17, 2007

This Demeans us Both

For all those who asked to see Copernicus being taken for a walk. Note the classic "three-quarter crouch-y" walk and unhappy tail position - a sure sign that he definitely is not having as much fun as me.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

St Kilda Syndrome

Think back to 1997, St Kilda had just played in the AFL Grand Final. The very next year, Richard and I moved to Melbourne. It augured well. Richard was a Mordialloc boy - in the heartland of the Saints - and now he could wear his red & black scarf and beanie with pride, right?

Wrong. Soon after we arrived, St Kilda started losing - alot. Richard was steadfast, staunch even, in his continued backing of St Kilda. This was perhaps their problem.

Eight weeks ago we moved to Germany (exciting isn't it). Lo and behold, the place we live has a team in the Bundesliga. We take an interest - afterall - embracing the local culture is important when you are new. With one game in the season to go, our local team is coming second last in the competition and is doomed to relegation.

Coincidence or something more sinister?

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Haus Frau Disaster #1 - The mashed potato incident

In Germany, things are different.

The "Haus Frau Disaster" Series will be a regular feature on this blog.

OK, let's get on with the humiliation....

I know that potatoes are not all the same - some are waxy, some are floury - and each is best suited to a particular use in cooking. At the time of the HFD, I did not know the German words for "waxy" and "floury", and took a punt on buying some good lookin' spuds at the market.

That night we had decided to pay homage to cross cultural cuisine and do the German version of Bangers and Mash (Würst und Kartoffel puree). Then came the fateful moment - time to mash the potato.

I knew something wasn't quite right during the mashing process, but I continued on valiantly - "a bit of butter will fix that", I thought, because as we all know, a bit of butter is always a good thing. But NO, people, it did not fix the problem, instead of fluffy, buttery mash, I had created a disturbingly yellow, highly viscous starch amalgam that would not be out of place in a petrochemical plant.

Who would of thought that mashed potatoes could go wrong?

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Guess where we live now?


Bingen
Originally uploaded by heliospheric.
It has been over 2 months since we arrived in Germany, but due to lack of internet access, I haven't had an opportunity to post anything on the blog.

Here is Richard at the top of the Keep at Berg Klopp in Bingen as evidence that we are here and alive.

You can check out some of our other photos by clicking on the Flickr badge on the right hand side.