Tea and Sympathy

Eventhough our Deutschkurs has finished, our little band of intrepid language aquirers have decided that we like each other enough to keep meeting once a week at a cafe for coffee and conversation (in Deutsch of course), or tea and sympathy - or perhaps a little of both. We are all in the same boat - we don't know many people and are looking to expand our circle of friends and improve our language skills.

The last time I was in a similar(ish) situation - new town, not knowing anyone, I had just finished university and moved to Darwin to start my first proper job. Darwin could possibly qualify as the friendliest town in the world. Within a week or so, I had received phone calls from friends-of-friends-of-friends inviting me somewhere - there were even squabbles between people within the same circle of friends as to who had befriended me first (I love a good bidding war). Darwin was way easier than Mainz as conversations were conducted in english, but I don't miss living in the tropics - 50 degrees north suits me just fine.

A photo a day keeps boredom away

For the next little while, I'll be helping out a fellow antipodean by contributing to Mainz Daily Photo - a project in which, yep you guessed it, one posts a photo daily from ones city of residence, in our case Mainz, along with a brief commentary.

It should be fun and gives me added incentive to get cracking on another of my new year's resolutions.

So, any Mainzers out there, I'm looking for interesting stuff to photograph. Any suggestions?

Confusitive Case

You will be pleased to hear that I passed the 'abschluss test' for my Deutschkurs. I can hear your collective sighs of relief.

I understand just enough German to be dangerous....they'll never know what hit them. My verbs continue to be all over the shop, and my grasp on the correct usage of personal pronouns remains tenuous, but I'm ready to go forth and converse - badly.

So, if in the coming weeks you see confused and perplexed locals wandering around, don't be alarmed, I've probably just tried to engage them in conversation. I'm sure they'll recover - eventually.

International Women's Day

Remember when I told you I was helping my sister prepare for a debate?

The debate is held annually to mark the occasion of International Women's Day, and is a hot ticket in Brisbane. The event is hosted by the Australian Institute of Management at the Brisbane Convention and Exhibition Centre, and is attended by over a 1000 people. Now you know why she donned the 'brown underpants'.

The debate topic was "That heels have a rightful place in the boardroom".

She was on the negative team.

So after her initial plea for help, I set to work doing what I do best - surfing the internet, and coming up with truly appalling puns.

She had sent through her initial ideas and finally, after much to-ing and fro-ing, this was the finished piece. I think she was fabulous and only had a couple of little verbal stumbles, but then again, I'm biased.



(The content is heavily Australian-centric, so it may not make a lot of sense to everyone). Also it is about 6 minutes long.....

So ladies, Happy International Women's Day.

PS. They won.

Galloping Death

There has been a devastating outbreak of Galloping Death at our house. No fatalities yet, but definitely two casualties. It started on Tuesday with a desperate phone call from R at work - "I'm sick. Can you go to the Pharmacy and get me some medicine?"

Surely this could not pose a problem. I think there is a law in Germany that states there must be at least 4 Pharmacies per square kilometre, or 1 Pharmacy per 10 people, whichever is the lesser figure. You can't go anywhere without tripping over one. Either the German people are very vigilant about their health (or are all hypochondriacs) or there is so much scope in their health system to support that many Pharmacists. I'm tending to lean toward the Hypochondriac Hypothesis at the moment.

I managed to procure some medicine without too many dramas, although I do miss the convenience of buying basic medicines like Panadol/paracetamol and cough syrup at the supermarket.

By Wednesday, R had a full-blown 'man-cold' - complete with an acute chicken soup dependency.

By Saturday, I was sick as well, and the standoff had began.

"Can you get me a glass of water?"

"No, I can't. I'm too sick to move."

"But I'm dying."

After several unsuccessful attempts to train the cats to fetch the necessities of life for us, I relented, and got him a glass of water. He was only moderately dehydrated by this time.

By Sunday, I was feverish and firmly ensconced on the couch with the computer and two furry hot water bottles that purred. R was recovering and had to fetch and carry for me.

R has declared himself fit to return to work, but I'm taking it easy today - just me, the cats and our rather substantial DVD collection.

Oh Happy Day.

Overcapitalised

I really enjoy the challenge of learning a new language. It is bemusing, perplexing, and at times, frustrating. At the moment I'm having a love/hate relationship with the requirement that all nouns must be capitalised.

I put this slightly bipolar attitude down to my laziness. I resent that when I write in German I have to take care to begin all nouns with a capital letter. On the other hand, it does offer the novice/complete hack a helping hand when reading - the nouns stand out like beacons and I find this helpful in untwisting the unfamiliar syntax.

Just don't get me started on separable verbs.

Second speaker for the negative

It looked like such an innocuous email from my sister. There is was, piggybacked on a discussion about a present for an upcoming family birthday, information about changes of email addresses, and potential Skyping opportunities on the weekend.

"I'm participating in a debate soon. Can you help me develop my argument/speech? I'm second speaker for the negative. kthnxbai."

Foolishly, I said yes. There are now two of us wearing brown underpants.

I have a hazy recollection of participating in a debate in high school, but the memory must have been too traumatic and I've repressed it - all that remains is a sense of overwhelming panic.

Debating tips gratefully received.

Sorry

Sorry
Originally uploaded by Halans

I rushed home from Deutschkurs today to watch the PM deliver the speech.

It was long overdue.

It was confrontingly honest.

It was sincere.

It was moving.

It had a joke!

It didn't pretend that it would be easy.

It contained that magical word - sorry.

It is the first step on a long journey.

It made my heart glad.

Edited to add: at the suggestion of a commenter, I am adding some more information, for those who aren't from Australia, and therefore were left scratching their heads at this post.

On the 13th February 2008, the Australian Government formally apologised to Indigenous Australians, particularly those who were part of the Stolen Generations, who were forcibly removed from their families as part of the appalling government policies relating to Indigenous Australians from the early 1900s to the late 1960s. It recognised that the laws and policies of successive governments tore apart families, destroyed lives and inflicted great pain and suffering on the original inhabitants of Australia.

More information is available on the BBC news website.

For the Mens

The Europeans are famous throughout the world for their relaxed attitude to nudity, and I do admire them for this, but you can imagine my chagrin when I realised that the local pool actually has male and female changing cubicles in the not so separate changing area.

This was pointed out to me by my language exchange friend on the weekend when we went swimming.

She pointed to the door of a changing cubicle and translated 'umkleidung' and then pointed to the bit I should have noticed on my first visit to the pool - the internationally recognised icon of a stick figure wearing a dress - "for the womens" she said, and then in the next block of changing cubicles and pointed to the internationally recognised icon of a stick figure not wearing a dress - "for the mens" she said.

I immediately though to myself "Ooops" and distinctly remembered that I had used the umkleidung "for the mens" in my last visit. None of the men I shared the room with seemed to mind though.

When I related this particularly hilarous story to my husband, I noticed that the colour quickly drained from his face.

I say again, "Ooops".

Lektion Eins

I'm giving myself a big tick on this item in my new year's resolution list.

I started German lessons today at the VHS. First impressions are good - the teacher is engaging and my fellow students seem quite fun, so it should be a good way to spend the next 5 weeks.

The class consists of people from a delightful array of countries: Spain, Surinam, France, Mexico, Brazil, Romania, Bulgaria, and in lane 8 representing Australia - me.

We kicked off with the traditional interview and introduce your partner to the rest of the class game - and it seems most people like riding bicycles and swimming - except for my partner who told me his hobby was storytelling (Geschichten erzählen). I'm so going to sit next to him tomorrow, maybe he'll tell me a story.

Helau! It's Rosenmontag!

I'm not sure what it's all about but I've never seen such a high concentration of clown suits in my life.

The constant refrain of "Helau" does tend to grate on ones nerves after a while.

I feel sorry for the scantily clad women with pom poms - it can't be more than 2 degrees C.

The locals all seem to be having a whale of a time. Even Gutenburg has donned a festive hat.

365 days

it's official
Originally uploaded by heliospheric

Wow, that was fast.

I'm pretty sure not everyone's wedding day starts with an appointment for a moving consultant to come and work out a quote for moving to another country....

My wedding day went something like this:

• 7 am - get up and have a shower
  
• 8am - appointment with moving consultant to provide quote on moving to Germany
  
• 10 am - brunch
• 4 pm - get hair done with my sisters
  
• 5 pm - get makeup done
• 6 pm - get dressed
• 6:15 pm - curse my own stupidity for buying the cute, but way too high shoes, wonder it I will break my ankle
• 7:15 pm - call taxi
• 7:30 pm - arrive at venue
• 7:32 pm - crack open first bottle of Bollinger (to calm the nerves - you understand)
  
• 7:45 pm - remind Dad that there are to be NO speeches, he seems slightly deflated
  
• 8:00 pm - walk through door with Dad and see my family and friends all grinning like maniacs at me
• 8:01 pm - realise that R must be boiling in the kilt and heavy wool jacket (it was around 32 degrees C that night)
  
• 8:20 pm - say "I do", kiss my husband
• 8:25 pm - crack open second bottle of Bollinger - the rest of the night is a bit of a blur of happiness
  
• 3:00 am - go to bed.

To celebrate our anniversary my husband whisked me off to a fabulous restaurant and spoilt me rotten. He is definitely a keeper.

Release the Hounds

I’ve never owned a dog. My Dad could possibly claim that this was his single greatest (some would say only) victory as head of our household. He grew up on a farm, where dogs were for rounding up sheep and definitely were never allowed in the house. The conversation (had biannually) when we were growing up went something like this:

“Daaaad, can we have a dog?”

“No, you kids can’t have a bloody dog. Dogs are for working, not for pets. Having a dog in town is not right.”

Sure, I like the concept of dogs, with their waggly tails and their adorable puppy dog eyes, but I was a bit of a novice about the realities and practicalities of dog ownership.

I am a novice no more. Over the weekend we looked after our friends’ dogs while they were in Austria for a wedding. They live in a small village in the countryside, and I was looking forward to a relaxing weekend, watching English telly (blessing be upon the satellite dish) and taking rambling walks through the vineyards with the dogs.

Our charges were possibly the most comical hounds to ever have graced the planet: a poodle with an endearing under bite, who for all intents and purposes is a cat; and a wiry Dachshund with a sparkle of mischief in his eyes and a penchant for humping EVERYTHING.

For the first day and a bit, I was convinced that the poodle had an incomplete digestive tract. I saw the food go in, and I just assumed at some point it would undergo digestion, the nutrients would be absorbed, and then the waste would be eliminated, but no matter how far, or how often we walked, he simply refused to poo. Finally, something magical happened. It is best described in gymnastic parlance as a “straddle press handstand with splits and poo”. Had I not seen it, I would not have believed a dog could crap with a degree of difficulty of 4.5.

They were for the most part great friends - except for when it came to the humping blanket, which we named Cecile the Saucy Minx (CtSM). This was when things got interesting. It seems they had both fallen in love – in the biblical sense - with CtSM, and they vied for her love and affection, trying to outdo each other, and made sure that the other wasn’t getting any, ahem, special time with her.

The verdict? Dogville - great for a visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. I’m pretty happy living in Catland.

Blessed be....this House

While I was in town this morning, Richard had a visit from 3 wise men (well children dressed as the 3 wise men) and a star. Needless to say he was extremely perplexed.

After explaining what they were doing, the children sang him some songs and scribbled the following over our doorway:

20 + C + M + B + 08

Apparently this is a Catholic tradition to celebrate the Epiphany. So, you can all relax, we've been well and truly blessed.

All Richard could think was, "Helen will kick herself that she missed this."

He was right.

Although I suppose it is only fair that he have his share of strange experiences while answering the door, because I had mine during Halloween.

Come the Resolution

Comrades, while the year is all shiny and new, unsullied by disappointments and annoyances, I thought I'd draft my 2008 manifesto, and do so publicly in the interests of transparency and accountability.

Item 1: The Body

• Enough with the smoking already - it will kill you. Stop it.
  
• Exercise and fun are not mutually exclusive. Get on your bike, back in the pool, join a team. Anything. Make sure it is fun.
  
• Moderation is not a dirty word.

Item 2: The Mind

• For your own sanity, try harder to learn to speak German. Sign up for more classes.
  
• Write every day.
  
• Take photos every day.
  
• Read something every day.
• Get a job. The life of a Hausfrau can be somewhat tedious.
  

Item 3: The Soul

• Travel, travel, travel - you live in the middle of Europe, you can go to France to buy cheese if you want - do it.
• Try 3 new things this year.
  
• Make a new friend.
• Write more letters to Dad.
• De-lurk.

I'll keep you posted on my progress. Wish me luck.

This Country's gone Crackers

I had noticed the packs of fireworks in the supermarket in the days leading up to New Year's Eve, and thought it funny that in a country where crossing the street against the green man can lead to a slow moving Oma springing into action to affect a citizen's arrest for such a flagrant disregard for the rules and public safety, that fireworks are so readily available to all and sundry.

The sale of fireworks in Australia is illegal, except of course in Canberra, the home of the 3 Ps - politics, pornography and pyrotechnics. They were eventually banned after generations of children had lost fingers, and their sight due to unfortunate accidents with Catherine Wheels and Roman Candles on Cracker Night.

The first salvos of New Year's Eve were fired slightly prematurely at around 3 minutes before midnight by small clusters of people out on the street. It seemed that every household had a cache of motars and they were determined to outdo each other.

I decided to observe this ritual from the safety of our house.

It lasted for around 30 minutes, but by the 10 minute mark, the street was so full of smoke and the smell of gunpowder that you could hardly see anything, and you could be forgiven for thinking you were in a war zone, rather than a 30km/h zone.

How ever you celebrated, I hope 2008 is a cracker - and that you have all your fingers intact.

26 Again

A few days ago, I turned 26 for the ninth time.

It is a running joke with a friend, whom I first met when I was 26 and living in Melbourne. She reckoned that to her, I would always be 26, and who am I to disagree? I really like being 26, and I've gotten pretty good at it.

My birthday fell on a Sunday this year, and given that Germany should basically put up signs at the borders on Sundays that say "Sorry, we're closed", there was a risk that nothing would be open other than the kebab shops. Fortunately, things were open, and we did not have to resort to having a birthday kebab at the Imbiss. Champagne and fabulous food beat a kebab hands down.

Having a birthday that falls between Christmas and New Year has always annoyed me, and I had to put my foot down very early and insist that I get 2 separate presents for Christmas and Birthday.

Family lore has it that my sister is to blame for this awkwardly placed birthday. I was born about 2 weeks early. The family was enjoying its annual Christmas holidays at Nelson Bay, and my daring-do sister, at the age of 2, decided that she didn't need floaties anymore and jumped into the deep end of the local pool sans floatation devices. Needless to say, she did need her floaties and promptly started flailing around, prompting my very pregnant mother to make a dash for the pool to perform the rescue. I arrived later that night, forever doomed to celebrate my birthday in the calendar's twilight zone.

A slightly White Christmas

Christmas has come and gone. It was slightly white which was tres exciting. A few flakes of snow fell on Christmas day, but it was mostly a heavy frost providing the whiteness.



We decided to go native for Christmas this year, and celebrate on the night of the 24th with a roast dinner and present opening. Champagne, of course, was a staple.

Christmas day started at 4am with a phone call from my family (Hi Dad). I'm pretty sure they knew that it was 4am here, but didn't really care. They had to get that phone call in before they sat down to lunch! We did manage to get back to sleep just in time for Richard's family to call at 6:45am. I have a feeling that we need to institute a "we'll call you" policy for major events such as Christmas and Birthdays.

It snowed on Boxing Day, which was great. The cats found it very interesting. The humans felt the need to get out in the snow and have a look around the neighbourhood.

Haus Frau Disaster #3

Puff Pastry. Two words that should strike fear into the heart of any sane person. Definitely not to be attempted by the faint of heart. Avoided by the wise.

I am neither faint of heart, nor wise.

It all began with a hankering for an old fashioned meat pie, but without the traditional ingredients of a meat pie (gristle, snouts and bottoms, hooves, the occasional rat and soforth). Our masterful plan came undone on Sunday when we realised that we forgot to buy puff pastry at the Supermarket on Saturday, and there was bugger all chance of finding anything open, so I decided I'd have a crack at the holy grail of pastry from scratch. Never. Again.

Even without the stomach churning, artery clogging thought of ALL THAT BUTTER, puff pastry is not a fun way to spend a Sunday.

The folding. The rolling. The throwing of the rolling pin through the window because the butter continually oozes out the sides or the top or the bottom of the pastry, just as it is NOT supposed to. The chilling. The waiting.

The folding. The rolling. The threats to stab ones husband with a fork for offering helpful suggestions. The chilling. The waiting.

The folding. The rolling. The tears of frustration. The continued threats to stab ones husband with a fork for the gentle hugs and encouraging words. The chilling. The waiting.

Then finally, the torment is over. The pie is in the oven. The delicious meat and gravy sits betwixt its oh-so-simple shortcrust pie base, and oh-so-teeth-clenchingly-annoying puff pastry top. Adorned with pastry leaves and expertly applied egg wash, it cooks. It even puffs a little. It appears that all may, in fact, be right in the land of Pie-donia.

But no. I'm pretty sure that puff pastry should not have the texture of an old boot with mud encrusted laces.

Glee! Schnee!

It's snowing! Kinda. It is definitely non-wet rain, and I think it just may, in fact, be snow! Joy! It won't stick around for long, so no snowball fights are in the offing just yet, but I remain in a state of cat-like readiness - which, if my cats are anything to go by, means I'm about to curl up with my nose very close to my bum and go to sleep.

Counting today, the number of snow experiences I've had can be counted on one hand. The novelty factor is still extremely high. I'm sure it will diminish with time, but for now it is 'Big Kev' exciting.

9 months, 5 days

That is how long it took me to send out our wedding thank you notes. The irony of the timescale is not lost on me either.

Now that they are all in the post, I can sit back and bask in the non-guilt.

Hallowhat?

Last night was Halloween. This festival that has always been a big mystery to me, firstly because I'm Australian, and quite frankly, we don't usually go in for all of that palava, and secondly, I've always found the idea of Halloween to be somewhat disturbing - people, pumpkins are for roasting and making soup - Don't whittle them!

That fact that Halloween was last night had completely escaped my attention for a number of reasons:

1. I've been somewhat housebound due to a minor cash flow crisis
2. My grasp of German is tenuous at best, and therefore I find it challenging to comprehend my environment
3. I don't watch the telly or read newspapers (see reason 2)

Last night I was down in the bustling metropolis that is Bretzenheim doing some last minute shopping for dinner and I raised a quizzical eyebrow at the number of small children running around with buckets, baskets and various other receptacles. Then I saw a child dressed as a hybrid vampire/pirate, and it dawned on me - "well bugger me", I thought, "it must be Halloween", and then promptly forgot all about it and did my shopping.

So, I did actually have a 2.5 microsecond window to solve the following equation:

A + B = C

Where:
A = Presence in a shop
B = Instance of Halloween
C = Purchase of lollies

Unfortunately, I didn't.

The instant the door bell rang I knew I was in big trouble.

I proffered by best apologies, in German of course, and tried to explain that I was from Australia, and therefore not wise in the ways of Halloween. The children were reluctant to go away empty handed, so I dashed into the kitchen and grabbed the the contents of the fruit bowl and distributed the fruit amongst the very disappointed looking children. So, what was in the fruit bowl? 3 oranges, 1 tomato and a very manky looking lemon.

Children of Mainz, I'm sorry.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Marriage - the third quarterly report

Shareholders,

It is with pleasure that I report another impressive quarterly performance of H&R Inc despite some long running administrative issues.

Highlights:

• Non-failure of the month long Deutschsprache Kurs
• A fabulous visit from Belinda & Sally which included a whirlwind tour of various German cities and a fabulous bike tour of the Rhine
• The arrival of H&R Incs newest nephew (hello Angus)
• Another fabulous visitor (now if we can only get them NOT to leave)
• A week long "festival of birth" to celebrate R's birthday which included the consumption of the "Howard Park" (props to Roger)

Outlook for the fourth quarter:
With the onset of the cooler weather and impending arrival of the Christmas season, H is hoping to see some snow and is planning a snowball fight at the earliest opportunity.

Shareprice:
The shareprice remains depressed, but steady. The much anticipated bailout package from the ATO has been forthcoming and the shareprice is set to rise in the coming quarter.

The Maiming of the Shrew

Update on an earlier post about the cats and their wicked hunting ways.

I have finally identified the small, mouse-like creatures that the cats have been dragging in. They are Shrews.

As it gets colder, the shrews must be out in greater numbers foraging for food, or that cats have found the mother lode, because for the last couple of weeks, it has been a near daily occurrence - shrews, both disturbingly dead and disturbingly alive, brought into the house. The other day, I was not quick enough to save one, and by the time I had donned rescue gear, Copernicus had killed it, and consumed the front half. Yes, oh so charming. But it gets worse. Obviously shrews aren't high on his list of preferred delicacies, and a few minutes later, as I was cleaning up the discarded back half of the recently deceased shrew and cursing Copernicus' dastardly cat-like ways, I hear the dreaded retching sound of a cat about to vomit - and up it comes - basically whole, the head of the shrew mixed in with some partially masticated dry cat food, ON THE RUG. Most of our house is floorboards and tiles, but he felt it only right and proper that he disgorge himself on the rug.

Damn his eyes.

ANZAC Biscuits

ANZAC Biscuits
Originally uploaded by heliospheric

Comfort cooking can be dangerous - fun - but dangerous. These biscuits were only in the house for 1 day. Then I insisted that Richard take them to work with him to distribute to work colleagues.

Reading Material

Moving to a country where you don't speak, read or understand the language is a bit like being a child again. In some ways it is liberating, and in others it is frustrating.

In an attempt to build on and reinforce the German we absorbed in the past month, we trotted off to the book shop to get some reading material that was at 'our level'.

I'm pleased to announce that 'our level' is roughly that of a 7 year old, although 10 pages into my book, I'm beginning to wish I'd picked something much simpler....like 'Miffy at the Seaside'.

So it is 'Ich bin hier bloß die Katze' for me. I'm pretty sure this is going to take me longer to read than 'A Fringe of Leaves' by Patrick White, which currently holds the record as my slowest read yet, at just over 6 months.

Language acquisition is slow, and I am in awe of those people who have a head for languages. I wish I was one of them. But for now, I'm firmly in language Kindergarten.

Haus Frau Disaster #2

Note to self: Turn on the light while sorting the washing

So, it was early, and I wanted to get a load of washing on before German lessons, and I rummaged through the laundry basket to put a load together ready to take down to the cellar where the washing machine lives, and unwittingly included my favourite black cardigan (or Unsworth*, as I like to call them).

I threw the clothes into the machine and mindlessly selected a 60 degree wash.

The result - a shrinky dink Unsworth.

Please note, I am a proper scientist and have included a mobile phone in the photo for scale. That cardigan would be lucky to fit a 2 year old.

I loved that Unsworth - it was lovingly made by the good people of China from extra fine Australian Merino wool.

* Unsworth - named in honour of Barrie Unsworth the former NSW Premier who had a penchant for wearing cardigans.

Help! I'm drowning in verbs!

Yes, it has begun. The inevitable, the slow, and the excruciatingly painful journey that is learning to speak German.

The 'Intensive German Course' started last week. Originally, we were in a class of 8, but after the test to see how much German we all knew, we were a class of 3. The others were obviously way more advanced than us, so were promoted to the smart class. This is a great thing - but exhausting. Some days I think my head may explode.

Richard has been complaining that his brain is full, and has been forced to delete some information in order to make room for all the new stuff. Fortunately, he has started with the folder in his brain labelled 'Song lyrics from the 80s'.

Here's hoping that by the end of the course, we will be intense Germans.

Bike trip

More photos of the bike trip can be found on flickr

Berlin

Brandenburg Gate in the rain
Originally uploaded by heliospheric

I love Berlin. We were only there for the weekend, but love at first sight does happen. The weather wasn't great, and we got wet, and we had tired legs, but it was just so good. I'm going back - soon.

The city drips with history, and it is impossible to do it justice in a mere 2 days. We stayed in the Central part of Berlin, so we could walk everywhere we wanted to go.

More photos of the Berlin trip can be found on flickr

Who let the Clarks loose in the Kirschgarten?

The Clark's in the Kirschgarten
Originally uploaded by heliospheric

Day 1 of Bella's German Odyssey, and we went into town for a bit of a poke around - stopping to take the requisite tourist photos (exhibit A).

Also ticked off the list were the Cathedral, the Market place, the Altstadt, and of course, the famous Ferrets of Mainz.

After threatening to go for a run this afternoon, it is most pleasing that the rain has come tumbling down, forcing us to abandon any plans of exercise in favour of drinking beer.

Introducing - the amazing ferret man

It must have been a special treat for Belinda's first day in Germany - a man taking his three ferrets for a walk in the city. Oh, how we laughed.




Bella has just arrived, has had the obligatory post flight nap and welcome to Germany beer. We are off to Berlin tomorrow.

It's Sunday - and that means BELLS

So, it's Sunday, and in Germany that means "SHHH!" No mowing of the lawn, and depending on the "House Rules" of which there are at least 4 pages, no using the washing machine, no vacuuming, or anything else that may cause disruption to the general serenity of your immediate environs.

Except for the bells.

Some Australian towns are famous for having a pub on nearly every corner, Germany has its own take on this phenomenon - there seems to be a church on every corner, and each house of worship has a carillon - that is rung hourly (sometimes as often as every 15 minutes) - this tends to shatter the general serenity index of Sunday.

And also, the shops are shut.

Playing silly buggers with Photo Booth

image.jpg
Originally uploaded by heliospheric

Introducing "comic book character me", courtesy of Photo Booth . Looking at this reminds me that I desperately need to tidy up my dead grubs (eyebrows).

Marriage - the second quarterly report

Shareholders,

It is pleasing to report that H&R Inc enjoyed another quarter of strong growth, to end of financial year (30 June 2007).

Highlights:

• Successful relocation of H&R Inc HQ to Bretzenheim, with no losses incurred to possessions during transit
• Resumption of bicycle transportation for both H and R
• Telephonic and cyber communications systems established (it may not sound like much of a highlight, but it wasn't as straight forward as one may expect in a first world country)
• Successful foray into the German health system

Outlook for the third quarter:
The third quarter will be busy, as R continues to be plagued by administrative red tape and trips away, and H looks forward to receiving the first visitors to H&R Inc in August.

Shareprice:
The shareprice dipped during the quarter due to maintenance issues with H&R Inc's Melbourne property portfolio, but is expected to recover during the third quarter.

With love,
the CEO

An open letter to the people of Darmstadt

Dear Darmstadtians
You have a rockin fossil collection. This fact alone should be enough to put a smile on your faces, but apparently not. You all look so sad. Please consider smiling.

with kind regards,
Helen

Coin Slot

Dear Ladies of Germany
Your pants are very tight, and invariably low cut. As a consequence, I can see your bum cracks. It disturbs me greatly. Please stop.

Dear Men of Germany
If you are over the age of 45, you are wearing your pants way too high. You are the quintessential "high-pant wearer". This amuses me no end. Don't stop.

Letters from Home

Each week, like clockwork, a letter from my Dad arrives in the post. It is like Christmas when I see that blue, red and white striped top of the air mail envelope. His letters are filled with the weather (of course), what's going on in Newcastle and the Bay, and what he's been up to that week.

I keep in touch with the rest of the family via email and skype, but there is something comforting about my growing collection of letters from home.

Back in the Pool

After a 4 month hiatus, resulting from sheer and utter laziness, you will all be pleased to know, I'm back in the pool. It hurt. Alot.

I shouldn't have been surprised when I discovered my swimming cap disintegrated due to lack of use - I'm SO pleased I dragged that little piece of latex to the other side of the world.

Managed to get through my statutory 1 km without drowning, but it took a good deal longer than usual. Did I mention that it hurt? Alot.

Hoping to be able to walk and move my arms tomorrow, but I'm not overly confident.

Also - had my first 'in town' bike adventure today (definitely not to be confused with a 'town bike' adventure) and managed to not get run over. I did, however, suffer the indignity of having to get off my bike and walk it up the last bit of the hill out of town (oh the shame, the shame). I've got to work on my hill climbing or I'll never win the Tour de France.

Ikea - it's like lego for grown-ups

I spent a day (and I mean the WHOLE day) at ikea last week, shopping for the various pieces of furniture we needed. I love the crazy swedish names of all the products, the way you must follow the proscribed route through the store, otherwise you will be forever lost, and doomed to live in the store for eternity. I love the little pencils and paper tape measures so thoughtfully provided so you can take notes and measure stuff to your hearts content as you wander idly through the store. I'm not so much in love with the screaming children who dash out at you when you least expect it, so that your kneee connects with their wee heads with a sickening thud mid stride.

The boxes were delivered on Monday and Richard has spent two grueling evenings on his hands and knees assembling my purchases. My contribution to the construction process was fetching beer at regular intervals and passing him the screwdriver with the precision of a surgical nurse, "Screwdriver, STAT!"

In honour of ikea, we will name our first child Malm.

That's a big chicken you've got there mister

That's a big chicken you've got there mister
Originally uploaded by heliospheric

One of my favourite stalls at the markets is the Egg Master (Ei Meister) - I am so going to buy all my eggs from him from now on. I suspect that he has a bit of fishing line attached to the rooster's leg and when he makes a sale he gives it a tug so that the rooster crows - pure marketing genius.

Faunal deaths

When I worked in the Northern Territory at a mine, each week there would be a report on activities at the mine, x tonnes of ore dug, y number of safety incidents and there would be a report of Faunal Deaths on the mining lease, and a brief, but grizzly discription of the manner of the demise of the poor animal - 1 kangaroo stuck in the mud after wandering into the shallows of the tailing dam.

I feel it is my duty to keep a record of the native German wildlife that cats have been dragging in recently. So here goes - 5 small rodents (not mice exactly, but close cousins I suspect) met an untimely end at the end of a cats paw. 4 have so far been recovered.

It is not as if they catch them to eat them, it is purely for entertainment purposes. So it seems that my cats have taken upon themselves to decimate the local population of these small bewhiskered creatures. Bad cats. I suppose it could be worse, in Melbourne their favourite game was to catch a bird (usually a pigeon), and bring it into the house, and then release it, so they could catch again, and again, and again, until it didn't move anymore. The result was usually feathers from the front door to the back door, and a dead bird hidden somewhere in the house - they weren't always easy to find either.

Hanging on the telephone

It may have taken a good long while (around 2 and a bit weeks), but I finally have the marvelous technology that is the telephone connected at the house. The next hurdle will be to connect to the internet (this will take another week or so, apparently). Given that all the instructions are in German, it may take a good deal longer than that. It is just as well that Richard works at a Uni, and students still work for beer. We should be able to convince someone to help us get it sorted - I will even throw in a hot meal if the situation becomes desperate enough.

Since moving to Germany, I have finally begun to learn the art of patience. It has been a difficult lesson to learn, but I am getting there (she says rocking back and forth mumbling "I'm in my happy place, I'm in my happy place....")

There's no place like home

We moved into our new place last Friday, and are mostly set up, with the exception of a few rogue boxes that seem to being refusing to march themselves down to the cellar and neatly stack themselves away.

We have taken stock of what we have, what we don't have, what we need to buy, and what we want to buy (note the maturity and fiscal responsibility of that last part).

I made a prioritised list (I come from a family of list-makers) before we moved of the stuff I knew we needed and made short work of the purchase of the washing machine.

Now it is time for the fun stuff - a bed, some book shelves, dining chairs. You know what that means, don't you - yes, IKEA. IKEA is not easy to get to without a car (don't worry, a car is on the list too), so we may even do the whole thing on line. Keep your fingers crossed.

Copernicus' Lament

Copernicus misses being able to go outside whenever he wants. This video was taken on the front verandah of our old house in Melbourne. He used to love to lie there and bask in the sun.

Poppy is a high stepping kitten

Unlike Copernicus, Poppy loves going for walks. Note the happy tail position. Normally she breaks in to a trot and we can actually cover a fair bit of ground. Last week she tried to climb a tree. She's a quick little bugger.

Apart from the joy of taking Pop for a walk, I love how she asks to be taken outside. She gets into a fever pitch of purring and swishing her tail at the harnesses and then sitting underneath them as if to say, "Come on, take me for a walk NOW!"

Marriage - the first quarterly report

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Originally uploaded by heliospheric

Shareholders,

It is with great pleasure that I am able to bring to your attention the strong performance of H&R Inc in their first quarter together as a company.

Highlights:

• A fabulous wedding, attended by family and friends
• Frenzied, but utimately successful preparation for international relocation
• Arrival and negotiation of red tape in Germany
• Survival of the cats, despite one half (non-executive director) of the company threatening to downsize the corporation

Outlook for the second quarter:
Things are looking extremely positive for the second quarter, as the company moves into its new Bretzenheim headquarters.

Shareprice:
The shareprice remains steady and gains are expected during the second quarter.

With love,
the CEO

PS: The are more photos of the wedding

This Demeans us Both

For all those who asked to see Copernicus being taken for a walk. Note the classic "three-quarter crouch-y" walk and unhappy tail position - a sure sign that he definitely is not having as much fun as me.

St Kilda Syndrome

Think back to 1997, St Kilda had just played in the AFL Grand Final. The very next year, Richard and I moved to Melbourne. It augured well. Richard was a Mordialloc boy - in the heartland of the Saints - and now he could wear his red & black scarf and beanie with pride, right?

Wrong. Soon after we arrived, St Kilda started losing - alot. Richard was steadfast, staunch even, in his continued backing of St Kilda. This was perhaps their problem.

Eight weeks ago we moved to Germany (exciting isn't it). Lo and behold, the place we live has a team in the Bundesliga. We take an interest - afterall - embracing the local culture is important when you are new. With one game in the season to go, our local team is coming second last in the competition and is doomed to relegation.

Coincidence or something more sinister?

Haus Frau Disaster #1 - The mashed potato incident

In Germany, things are different.

The "Haus Frau Disaster" Series will be a regular feature on this blog.

OK, let's get on with the humiliation....

I know that potatoes are not all the same - some are waxy, some are floury - and each is best suited to a particular use in cooking. At the time of the HFD, I did not know the German words for "waxy" and "floury", and took a punt on buying some good lookin' spuds at the market.

That night we had decided to pay homage to cross cultural cuisine and do the German version of Bangers and Mash (Würst und Kartoffel puree). Then came the fateful moment - time to mash the potato.

I knew something wasn't quite right during the mashing process, but I continued on valiantly - "a bit of butter will fix that", I thought, because as we all know, a bit of butter is always a good thing. But NO, people, it did not fix the problem, instead of fluffy, buttery mash, I had created a disturbingly yellow, highly viscous starch amalgam that would not be out of place in a petrochemical plant.

Who would of thought that mashed potatoes could go wrong?

Guess where we live now?

Bingen
Originally uploaded by heliospheric.

It has been over 2 months since we arrived in Germany, but due to lack of internet access, I haven't had an opportunity to post anything on the blog.

Here is Richard at the top of the Keep at Berg Klopp in Bingen as evidence that we are here and alive.

You can check out some of our other photos by clicking on the Flickr badge on the right hand side.

Home again home again jiggety jig

It all seems like a dream now that we are home - the claustrophobia on the flight home, the unexpected upgrade on the last leg, stumbling out of Melbourne airport at an ungodly hour on Thursday.

The one good thing about being home was seeing the cats again (crazy cat lady).

Work has been a struggle, but then again, only a week and a half to go until Christmas....bring it on.....

You're nicked

Here we are in the home of the Bill. The east end is full of geezers right, and we've spent a bit of time down the rubberdy dub for a bit of bendy elbow, you know what I mean?

Heading into town today to have a look around and hopefully catch up with Sue. The liver is struggling, send more champagne....

The home of golf

We managed to squeeze 11 holes of golf in while we were in Edinburgh. The golf course had a great view of the city. We were pretty crap and the very nasty gorse made searching for balls hit into the rough hazardous to ones health.

The eleventh hole was played in near complete darkness, which made for some interesting ball spotting.

Then off to the pub for a pint and a whisky chaser, or is that a whisky and a pint chaser? I'm sure we tried both combinations......

Caught up with Brett's friends for a few more drinks at a bar in town.

Highland haggis

We hired a car and took a trip to the highlands. The highlands in winter are pretty spectacular. There was a fair amount of snow around on the hills. We stopped at Glen Coe for lunch then on to Fort William. It was St Andrews day, so we hunted high and low for a place that served haggis, neeps and tatties. It was very tasty.

We stayed at Fort William overnight in an old hotel overlooking the loch.

We drove back to Edinburgh via Loch Ness and Urquhart castle. Didn't spot any monsters though.

Castles and kilts

We checked out Edinburgh castle today - it was great. All higgeldy-piggeldy, those crazy scots. It was, of course, freezing on the hill, not to mention windy, but we managed to spend about 3 hours up there.

The next challenge for the day was to get a new kilt for Richard (he's sure the other one shrunk at the dry cleaners.....). Several hundred pounds later (don't ask), he was sorted, and we could have some lunch and the obligatory pint.

Glasgow - our first day in Edinburgh

Arrived in Edinburgh and Brett promptly whisked us off to Glasgow for the afternoon. We checked out the Radiance festival where they had lit up some prominent and not so prominent buildings. We went on the tour with the most quietly spoken glaswegian guide ever...almost impossible to understand. An angry granny and the fire organ (don't ask, it was crazy) were highlights.

Eventually back to Edinburgh for dinner and beer at the local pub.

Shakespeare part 2

Fresh from Elinsor castle, we went to Stratford-Upon-Avon, continuing with the Shakespeare theme, to have a look around with Jon and Amanda. Saw all six of his birthplaces...hmmmm what's all that about?

Had lunch in a cozy pub and lots of pints.

Dinner of course was a curry from the local curry house - it was excellent.

Thinking of buying a castle around here, but am slightly concerned about Richard's obsession with having French maids to wait on us.....he is a bad man.

Jon and Amanda have a great little place near Birmingham and it was great to catch up with them.

Time and relative dimensions in space (TARDIS)

The second most exciting flight of our trip (what can be better than an upgrade to business?) was from Toulouse to Birmingham - because we caught the plane with Dr Who (Tom Baker), in fact he was sitting next to us, and said "bless you" when I sneezed. Richard was so excited he nearly wet his pants (obviously he is much more of a Dr Who geek than I am). Tommy, as we like to call him, was even wearing a long scarf...

Confit du canard

I've tried to eat as much confit du canard as humanly possible since arriving in the south of France. My arteries may never recover.

We went out for dinner last night with Mark, Esther and some friends, and you guessed it, I ordered the duck and it rocked. I managed to order the dish with duck AND froi grais. I am so clever.

Today is the first rainy day we have had since arriving in Europe, so we did a cafe crawl of Toulouse before catching the train back to Brax. I may never sleep again.

We are heading off to Birmingham tonight. Thanks for having us to stay Mark & Esther!

Toulouse - city of empty churches

IMG_0157
Originally uploaded by heliospheric.

We spent today mooching around Toulouse and saw some pretty impressive churches. The French don't appear to be overly religious folk and some of the churches have been turned into museums.

We went to a ripper art gallery today and saw some stunning impressionist paintings. It was definitely a highlight.

Spotted another poodle while having our 7th coffee for the day. Will find it more difficult to reign in the coffee addiction than to give up the cigarettes.

Toulouse and Brax

We arrived safe and sound in Toulouse yesterday. It is so exciting to see Mark, Esther and the babies again. We are having an official day of rest today. So we are taking it easy, and I've spent most of the morning updating this blog. It is so much warmer here than anywhere else we've visited so far and it we may set off for a wander around the village this afternoon.

A slow bus to a fast train

Today's adventure was to get from Lardy to Montparnasse via as many forms of public transport as possible. The physical challenge was to do it with suitcases at peak time. Thank god i don't speak french or I'm sure I would have been mildly upset at the abuse we copped from fellow commuters. The next challenge was to change our TGV tickets to today - ask three people - get three different answers. Lesson = if you don't like the answer someone gives you, ask at another window. Here endth the lesson.

Despite our success at getting to the right station, getting our tickets changed, and finding the right platform, we still nearly missed the train. Richard was to blame, and you can fill in the blanks.......

1 day in Paris

Due to the french propensity for striking and being generally disagreeable at the most inconvenient times, our stay in paris was cut short to one day. So we made the best of Sunday and walked around Paris, ticking off landmarks as we went. Paris, in winter, on a Sunday is fantasitc - not crowded but still enough going on to give it that proper Paris buzz. We spotted a poodle prancing along the Champ der Mars near the Eiffel Tower (bonus points for that one).

Charles de Gaulle Nightmare

This airport has prompted me to start a Charles de Gaulle is crap society. We got horribly lost trying to find our way from the baggage collection to the train station. Needless to say we were not happy campers for about an hour.

Finally found the train station and managed to get across paris, change trains and get to lardy without loss of limbs - Richard's grip on his sanity remains tenuous. Michel picked us up from the station and took us to their very beautiful house. We ate and drank ALOT (despite being told by our hosts that we didn't eat anything. Now anyone who knows Richard and I know this is not true - we eat lots (& lots), but is rare for us to eat a five course meal, and we perhaps didn't pace ourselves very well - we promise to do better next time.....

Day trippers - part 2 - Roskilde and the Vikings

IMG_0119
Originally uploaded by heliospheric.

Caught the train to Roskilde to have a look at the Viking ship museum. They have actual real life viking ship ruins. My favourite part was when we got to dress up in Viking clothes and take pictures standing on replica viking boats. Richard makes a fairly authentic viking, but I make a pretty crap viking. Also of interest in Roskide is the Cathedral - where most of the dead kings and queens of Denmark hang out.

Beard envy

IMG_0091
Originally uploaded by heliospheric.

Richard had beard envy after seeing this statue in the bowels of Elinsor Castle. I don't blame him

Great Danes - 0

IMG_0053
Originally uploaded by heliospheric.

From a national dog perspective Denmark was a great disappointment. We travelled far and wide, and did not spot any Great Danes. We did however discover that Copenhagen is indeed wonderful - with lots of museums and galleries well worth a look.

Richard nearly died when we arrived at Julie and Mark's place to discover that they lived on the 5th floor of a beautiful old building that did not have an elevator.

He managed to make it up with the bags with only minor injuries. I'm sure we got much fitter while we were there just because of those stairs.

Danish breakfast

IMG_0073
Originally uploaded by heliospheric.

Breakfast in Denmark.

Day trippers - part 1 - Elinsor castle and Louisana gallery

IMG_0078
Originally uploaded by heliospheric.

We headed off to Helsingor for a day trip to visit the castle made famous by Shakespeare and his whinging, crazy Hamlet. The castle was very impressive and we got to explore the tunnels and fortifications under the walls.

Swedes to port
From this part of Denmark, you can actually see Sweden. It is about a 30min ferry ride to get there. This freaked me out a bit. Due to their proximity, like all neighbours, the Swedes and the Danes apparently don't like each other all that much, but it doesn't stop the Swedes coming over on the ferry to buy their beer - all I can say is, beer must be VERY VERY expensive in Sweden, cos it ain't cheap in Denmark. The Danes apparently all go to Germany to get their beer. Crazy beer economy.

On the way back to Copenhagen, we stopped in on the Louisana Gallery of Modern Art and saw their Matisse exhibition - it basically rocked. The gallery has some really cool paintings and sculpture. I saw my first Picasso, Matisse and Warhol.

what did the romans ever do for us?

IMG_0017
Originally uploaded by heliospheric.

Here is richard standing in front of some very impressive ruins on a roman aquaduct that is near to where we stayed in Mainz.

They built the railway through the amphitheatre...oops.

Let´s look through the Chagall window today children

Richard is doing the talkfest - interview thing today so I´m a free agent and am wandering aimlessly around Mainz checking out all the crooked little laneways.

The highlight of the day was St Stephen´s church. The windows are pretty amazing. The church apparently had a big red target painted on it during that event that we daren´t mention, because it was blown up a couple of times.

I´m considering a cruise up the Rhine this afternoon, but it is really foggy (not to mention freezing), so I might find a cozy little bar somewhere and sample a few beers.

Dachshund 1, German Shepherd 0

I thought I´d take the opportunity to write a few lines this morning, as Richard is holed up in the hotel room re-doing his talk for Monday - there is only so much I can get out of a german newspaper.

So I hopped on the bus and found an internet cafe to perch myself in for a half hour or so.

We had a great trip over (see last post). Comfy seat, good food, great service and managed to get about 7 hours sleep during the flight.

We arrived early on Friday morning and Richard managed to navigate us from Frankfurt to Mainz on the train without any drama. We had a poke around the university to see what it was like and it is like any university anywhere in the world, some really beautiful old buildings and some truly atrocious 1960s architecture.

Mainz is a beautiful city with way too many churches, lots of old cobbled laneways and an obsession with the printing press. Good for them, I say - everyone needs a hobby.

Spotted my first dachshund yesterday - real german wildlife. Keeping my eyes peeled for a german shepherd.

Travelling like a rock star

Sitting in the Qantas lounge feeling like a rock star. Why? Because our business class upgrades came through!

If it were possible to express through the medium of typing just how exciting that is, it would look something like:

da da di !!!!!-----$$$$$-----di da

Richard is worried that I may socially overheat in business class and is urging restraint. He is so wise.

Did I mention that we got upgraded to business class?

A huge thanks to Bella for lending us the points - we'll pay them back, promise!

1 day....and counting

Not long now.....just a few last minute things to do:

• pack
• unpack
• repack
• breathe
• smile

Passports - check

Passports - check

Tickets - check

Set up blog - check




Three weeks and counting until we take off for Europe. The preparations have been flawless up to this point...all that's left to do is send the link to family and friends so they can read about our adventures.