Full up to pussy's bow*

We are on a bit of a savings kick in the vain hope that we will be able to afford our upcoming and very belated honeymoon in Scotland. This means a tightening of monetary policy here at H&R Inc. The convenient, but pricey, Tengelmanns is currently off the list of approved purveyors of goods and the not so convenient, but much cheaper, Aldi has become a preferred supplier.

We are taking this mild inconvenience in our stride, but the cats have obviously grown accustomed to a life of luxury, and turn their spoilt little noses up at anything less than Sheba’s Deluxe Foie Gras with Beluga Caviar in a lightly spiced Gold Leaf sauce™. This means that even Copernicus has been rejecting what he is fed.

Usually, I am a big fat pushover and can’t bear to think of my little darlings starving and cave after one day. I am quite convinced that the cats know this too. You are not alone in your incredulity that a seemingly rational, intelligent woman with a university education can so easily be out manoeuvred by two cats, both of who have been known to prefer drinking out of the toilet.

Not this time.

Maybe it is my inner selfish bitch reasserting herself now that I’ve given up smoking (I really think I’ve become a nastier person since I quit), but this is the only honeymoon I’m ever going to have, so if the cats have to slum it with the rest of us for a little while, then they can bloody well eat what they are bloody well given (OMG - I just channelled my mother, except for the ‘bloody’ – she would have said ‘blasted’).

So the theory is good – when the cats are hungry enough, they will eat. The practicality is somewhat different. I forgot to take into account the veritable all-you-can-eat buffet of Shrews living somewhere nearby and the fact that the cats are pretty decent hunters means that our ‘food bowl stalemate’ will continue for some time. I’ve told them not to snack between meals, but they never listen – Naughty Little Fuckers (sorry Dad, but they are).

*An Australian expression to indicate that one has had more than enough (usually to eat) or of a situation eg. I've had it up to here (the neck) with you.